


no grave can hold my body down, i'll crawl home to him

by everqueen



Series: would you call in the name of love [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 2taakitz2week, M/M, RQ and Istus are in the alternate angst ending (which is chapter 2!), barry lup and angus are mentioned, yes I did base it off an american ninja warrior course don't @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16145270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everqueen/pseuds/everqueen
Summary: Kravitz's work is making him late for dinner, on their anniversary, no lessDay 1 of Taakitz week!(Title from "Work Song" by Hozier)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> read chapter 1 for the easy happy ending, read chapter 2 for the angst+ happy ending!  
> (or read both)  
> Day 1 of Taakitz Week!

Kravitz hadn’t _intended_ to be caught out here, in the rain, in the dark, barely managing to keep one foot stable, scythe out for balance instead of reaping like it’s meant to do, on their _anniversary_.

“You’re just making this harder for yourself,” he calls in his work accent, swearing under his breath as he nearly falls. This necromancer seems to have set up some sort of… obstacle course? With wards around it that block his access to his non-human forms. The whole thing is suspended with ropes above a deep artificial gorge, the bottom far below invisible in the gloom.

Right now, Kravitz is barely keeping his feet under him on a large, wobbly red dome, two behind him, three others ahead. The scythe helps, but only a little bit. He already blazed through one obstacle, that required him to leap from one tilted rectangle to another or else fall into the depths below. He doesn’t know how far down the wards blocking him from flight extend, but he doesn’t want to find out the hard way.

“Aren’t you having fun?” the disembodied voice of the necromancer asks. “After all, you should have to prove your skills to get a chance to fight _me_.”

“You know you’re just a two-bit necromancer, don’t you?” Kravitz calls, taking a steadying breath and leaping in three quick bounds to the end of this obstacle. He eyes the next one sourly, a bar between slotted indentations in two floating walls, with more indents rising up. “ _At best_.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” the voice chides. “Now you have to be careful with this one. For the fantasy salmon ladder, you have to jump _with_ the bar up to the next rung, and swing from there to the floating dice!”

“The  _what_?”

“Only four sides, don’t worry.”

Kravitz breathes slowly, trying to calm his newly pounding heart, and lets his scythe vanish. He rolls his shoulders and lets his suit jacket disappear, leaving him only in his white shirt and black pants. He had kicked off the shoes after those rectangles, dispensing with the socks as well, and tied back his braids after one of his gold beads had swung around and smacked him in the face.

“I’m not the most dexterous,” he admits, keeping up his work accent. “Why don’t we just have a straight fight?”

“That’s no fun.”

“You know that even if I fall I won’t _die_ , right?”

“It’ll still give me plenty of time to hide again,” the necromancer says, sounding entirely too cheerful. “I imagine your new heart and blood won’t take too kindly to _that_ kind of fall damage, anyway.”

“I beg your pardon?” Kravitz says sharply. There should be no way the necromancer would have _that_ kind of information.

“You know, I bet your elf friend would do _great_ on this course!” the necromancer exclaims. “He’s a regular flip wizard, isn’t he? What was his name? Taako?”

“You’re not going anywhere near Taako,” Kravitz growls, and jumps for the bar. He forces it up, hopping the bar three rungs up in a matter of seconds, swinging to the ‘floating dice’ with relative ease. Those are harder, and he almost falls, catching himself at the last moment. The voice cheers, commenting dramatically on everything he does, but he manages to take a flying leap and land on the next platform, slamming his knee against the edge.

“Oof, that’s gonna leave a mark!” the necromancer says cheerfully, and now Kravitz can see her, holding a brightly decorated microphone, alone in an announcer’s booth save for a half-rotted zombie thrall, which is also holding a microphone. “We thought you were a goner there for a second, but you really pulled through!”

Kravitz just growls, no words this time, and glares at the next obstacle, a narrow space between two curved walls, the rain coating them.

“Now, bare feet _is_ an interesting choice for this one,” the necromancer says. “Don’t you think, Rocky Road?”

“Did you name your zombie thrall _Rocky Road_?” a familiar voice rings out, pitch rising in delight at the end of the sentence. Kravitz looks around frantically, shoving his braids out of his face, to find Taako lounging right next to him.

“ _Taako_?”

“Hey babe.”

“How did you—”

“I’m not really here,” Taako explains, and as Kravitz squints through the rain, he sees that Taako is indeed spectral, albeit shining brighter than most full-bodied people. The elf grins and tips his wizard hat. “Turns out you can modify Blink! Cool, huh?”

Kravitz raises his eyebrows, running through the spellwork necessary to do that and finding himself, once again, astonished by this impossible elf. “ _When_ did you do that?”

“When you were late for dinner,” Taako says, pouting. “You could have called.”

“No he couldn’t!” the necromancer calls. “Wards!”

“Wasn’t talking to you, bubbeleh!” Taako yells back without looking. “Bones, come home.”

“I can’t, babe,” Kravitz says, gesturing at the course in general. “Wards.”

Taako sniffs, glancing up towards the necromancer. “Well, she should just be embarrassed,” he grumbles, doing something with his hands that Kravitz can’t make out. “I mean, that hat with _those_ robes? _Yikes_.”

“Whaaaat are you doing?” Kravitz asks, recognizing the look in his husband’s spectral eyes. Taako is about to do something that breaks the laws of the universe, _again_ , he can just tell.

“ _I_ have an amazing dinner laid out,” the elf informs him. “That _you_ , my dude, are missing out on right now. And _I_ want my husband home for _our_ anniversary.”

“He’s busy!” the necromancer yells.

Taako doesn’t even spare one of his hands, instead conjuring a Mage Hand wordlessly just to flip her off. He grunts, apparently done with whatever it was he was doing, and Kravitz, without being prompted, stands back. Taako lifts both hands, forming a diamond shape, and Kravitz faintly hears Barry and Lup in the background, calling out details of whatever ritual Taako is doing, and Angus, cheering him on. Taako looks sideways at nothing (Angus, probably), winks, and then with a _pop_ he’s fully present, standing on the platform in the flesh.

“I knew you were gonna break the universe again,” Kravitz says fondly, Taako already moving into his embrace. He presses a kiss to Taako’s hair. “Hi, babe.”

Taako smiles against his collarbone before standing back. “Digging the workout look, my dude. Bare feet?”

“Dress shoes are more slippery,” Kravitz says, gesturing up at the sky. “It’s raining.”

“Uh-huh,” Taako snorts, lifting his replacement umbra staff, although this one definitely does _not_ eat magic, liches or otherwise. He opens it, shielding himself from the rain, and grins at Kravitz. “So, what’dya need?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Taako,” Kravitz jokes, feeling a buildup of necrotic energy at his back. “Maybe we can just celebrate our anniversary right here?”

“No!” the necromancer screams. “You have to complete the course!”

“But my dinner, babe,” Taako pouts.

“True,” Kravitz acknowledges. “Well, I guess I just have to… finish this?”

“Oh! Hold on,” Taako says, and carefully casts a spell. Kravitz feels a glow spread through him, pouring into his muscles like sunlight and hot chocolate. “Bull Strength,” Taako explains. “Picked it up from Merle.”

“Thanks, babe,” Kravitz says, pulling him into a kiss. Beyond them, the necromancer is shrieking something unimportant, and when she shoots a withering bolt of necrotic energy at them, Taako’s umbra staff effortlessly knocks it away.

“Go on,” Taako says, floating up and over the obstacle, deflecting another bolt. “I’ll be waiting up at that big red button up there, although,” he shrugs. “You know how I am with big red buttons.”

“I know,” Kravitz calls. He smirks at the obstacle in front of him and leaps forward, slamming his hands and feet against the sides, catching himself effortlessly. He scoots through the tunnel, barely noticing the rain pouring down the sides anymore. He jumps onto the next platform and faces the final obstacle, a fourteen-foot-high curved wall, Taako and the button at the top. His husband is caressing the button, occasionally snarking back at the necromancer, who is growing increasingly unstable. Kravitz smiles and sprints at the wall, leaping up and just barely getting a grip on the edge. Taako looks down with a smile, spinning the umbra staff, necromantic spells splattering against it like water.

“Look, rabbit, I saved the button just for you.”

“Thanks, dove,” Kravitz says, hoisting himself up over the edge. Taako pulls him into another kiss, and Kravitz thumps the button almost as an afterthought.

The necromancer shrieks again and the whole course shakes like an earthquake, the obstacles disintegrating behind them. Kravitz grabs Taako as the wall crumbles to dust underneath their feet. He feels the wards snap just in time to catch them both in midair, hovering and watching the necromancer with equally unimpressed expressions.

“Not bad,” she sneers, hands crackling with black fire. “But you’re no match for _me_!”

She thrusts her hands skyward, zombie thralls erupting out of the earth around her announcer’s booth. Kravitz whistles and the true ground materializes once again, free of the shielding spell. He sets Taako neatly on his feet and pulls his scythe from the Astral Plane, twirling it with ease.

“Just come quietly,” he says in his work accent, smirking at Taako giggling. “You’re making me late for dinner.”

The necromancer howls, apparently beyond words now, and Kravitz and Taako flip and jump their way through the zombie hordes, Taako blasting Disintegrate at the zombies sneaking up behind Kravitz, Kravitz whipping his scythe through three zombies on top of Taako.

They reach the necromancer in her crumbling announcers booth. She snarls, black blades forming out of nothing in her hands. Kravitz smiles and gently moves Taako behind him.

“This’ll just take a second,” he assures him.

Taako grins and conjures some popcorn, winking at Kravitz when he laughs.

Kravitz is still laughing when he hooks his scythe into the necromancer’s soul. He yanks it out as her body disintegrates, opens a portal, and stares straight into Taako’s eyes as he says, “ _Yeet_!” and throws her soul into the Eternal Stockade.

Taako erupts into laughter, popcorn spilling everywhere, tears at the corners of his eyes. Kravitz laughs too, scooping him up into his arms.

“Who taught you that?” Taako demands through laughter, hooking an arm around Kravitz’s neck.

“Angus,” Kravitz admits, grinning. “Now, I believe you promised me dinner?”


	2. (redux)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now with Angst (tm)

Kravitz hadn’t _intended_ to be caught out here, in the rain, in the dark, barely managing to keep one foot stable, scythe out for balance instead of reaping like it’s meant to do, on their _anniversary_.

“You’re just making this harder for yourself,” he calls in his work accent, swearing under his breath as he nearly falls. This necromancer seems to have set up some sort of… obstacle course? With wards around it that block his access to his non-human forms. The whole thing is suspended with ropes above a deep artificial gorge, the bottom far below invisible in the gloom.

Right now, Kravitz is barely keeping his feet under him on a large, wobbly red dome, two behind him, three others ahead. The scythe helps, but only a little bit. He already blazed through one obstacle, that required him to leap from one tilted rectangle to another or else fall into the depths below. He doesn’t know how far down the wards blocking him from flight extend, but he doesn’t want to find out the hard way.

“Aren’t you having fun?” the disembodied voice of the necromancer asks. “After all, you should have to prove your skills to get a chance to fight _me_.”

“You know you’re just a two-bit necromancer, don’t you?” Kravitz calls, taking a steadying breath and leaping in three quick bounds to the end of this obstacle. He eyes the next one sourly, a bar between slotted indentations in two floating walls, with more indents rising up. “ _At best_.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” the voice chides. “Now you have to be careful with this one. For the fantasy salmon ladder, you have to jump _with_ the bar up to the next rung, and swing from there to the floating dice!”

“The  _what_?”

“Only four sides, don’t worry.”

Kravitz breathes slowly, trying to calm his newly pounding heart, and lets his scythe vanish. He rolls his shoulders and lets his suit jacket disappear, leaving him only in his white shirt and black pants. He had kicked off the shoes after those rectangles, dispensing with the socks as well, and tied back his braids after one of his gold beads had swung around and smacked him in the face.

“I’m not the most dexterous,” he admits, keeping up his work accent. “Why don’t we just have a straight fight?”

“That’s no fun.”

“You know that even if I fall I won’t _die_ , right?”

“It’ll still give me plenty of time to hide again,” the necromancer says, sounding entirely too cheerful. “I imagine your new heart and blood won’t take too kindly to _that_ kind of fall damage, anyway.”

“I beg your pardon?” Kravitz says sharply. There should be no way the necromancer would have _that_ kind of information.

“You know, I bet your elf friend would do _great_ on this course!” the necromancer exclaims. “He’s a regular flip wizard, isn’t he? What was his name? Taako?”

“You’re not going anywhere near Taako,” Kravitz growls, and jumps for the bar. He forces it up, hopping the bar three rungs up in a matter of seconds, swinging to the ‘floating dice’ with relative ease. Those are harder, and he almost falls, catching himself at the last moment. The voice cheers, commenting dramatically on everything he does, but he manages to take a flying leap and land on the next platform, slamming his knee against the edge.

“Oof, that’s gonna leave a mark!” the necromancer says cheerfully, and now Kravitz can see her, holding a brightly decorated microphone, alone in an announcer’s booth save for a half-rotted zombie thrall, which is also holding a microphone. “We thought you were a goner there for a second, but you really pulled through!”

Kravitz just growls, no words this time, and glares at the next obstacle, a narrow space between two curved walls, the rain coating them.

“Now, bare feet _is_ an interesting choice for this one,” the necromancer says. “Don’t you think, Rocky Road?”

“Did you name your zombie thrall _Rocky Road_?” a familiar voice rings out, pitch rising in delight at the end of the sentence. Kravitz looks around frantically, shoving his braids out of his face, to find Taako lounging right next to him.

“ _Taako_?”

“Hey babe.”

“How did you—”

“I’m not really here,” Taako explains, and as Kravitz squints through the rain, he sees that Taako is indeed spectral, albeit shining brighter than most full-bodied people. The elf grins and tips his wizard hat. “Turns out you can modify Blink! Cool, huh?”

Kravitz raises his eyebrows, running through the spellwork necessary to do that and finding himself, once again, astonished by this impossible elf. “ _When_ did you do that?”

“When you were late for dinner,” Taako says, pouting. “You could have called.”

“No he couldn’t!” the necromancer calls. “Wards!”

“Wasn’t talking to you, bubbeleh!” Taako yells back without looking. “Bones, come home.”

“I can’t, babe,” Kravitz says, gesturing at the course in general. “Wards.”

Taako sniffs, glancing up towards the necromancer. “Well, she should just be embarrassed,” he grumbles, doing something with his hands that Kravitz can’t make out. “I mean, that hat with _those_ robes? _Yikes_.”

“Whaaaat are you doing?” Kravitz asks, recognizing the look in his husband’s spectral eyes. Taako is about to do something that breaks the laws of the universe, _again_ , he can just tell.

“ _I_ have an amazing dinner laid out,” the elf informs him. “That _you_ , my dude, are missing out on right now. And _I_ want my husband home for _our_ anniversary.”

“He’s busy!” the necromancer yells.

Taako doesn’t even spare one of his hands, instead conjuring a Mage Hand wordlessly just to flip her off. He grunts, apparently done with whatever it was he was doing, and Kravitz, without being prompted, stands back. Taako lifts both hands, forming a diamond shape, and Kravitz faintly hears Barry and Lup in the background, calling out details of whatever ritual Taako is doing, and Angus, cheering him on. Taako looks sideways at nothing (Angus, probably), winks, and then with a _pop_ he’s fully present, standing on the platform in the flesh.

“I knew you were gonna break the universe again,” Kravitz says fondly, Taako already moving into his embrace. He presses a kiss to Taako’s hair. “Hi, babe.”

Taako smiles against his collarbone before standing back. “Digging the workout look, my dude. Bare feet?”

“Dress shoes are more slippery,” Kravitz says, gesturing up at the sky. “It’s raining.”

“Uh-huh,” Taako snorts, lifting his replacement umbra staff, although this one definitely does _not_ eat magic, liches or otherwise. He opens it, shielding himself from the rain, and grins at Kravitz. “So, what’dya need?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Taako,” Kravitz jokes, feeling a buildup of necrotic energy at his back. “Maybe we can just celebrate our anniversary right here?”

“No!” the necromancer screams. “You have to complete the course!”

“But my dinner, babe,” Taako pouts.

“True,” Kravitz acknowledges. “Well, I guess I just have to… finish this?”

“Oh! Hold on,” Taako says, and carefully casts a spell. Kravitz feels a glow spread through him, pouring into his muscles like sunlight and hot chocolate. “Bull Strength,” Taako explains. “Picked it up from Merle.”

“Thanks, babe,” Kravitz says, pulling him into kiss. Beyond them, the necromancer is shrieking something unimportant, and when she shoots a withering bolt of necrotic energy at them, Taako’s umbra staff effortlessly knocks it away.

“Go on,” Taako says, floating up and over the obstacle, deflecting another bolt. “I’ll be waiting up at that big red button up there, although,” he shrugs. “You know how I am with big red buttons.”

“I know,” Kravitz calls. He smirks at the obstacle in front of him and leaps forward, slamming his hands and feet against the sides, catching himself effortlessly. He scoots through the tunnel, barely noticing the rain pouring down the sides anymore. He jumps onto the next platform and faces the final obstacle, a fourteen-foot-high curved wall, Taako and the button at the top. His husband is caressing the button, occasionally snarking back at the necromancer, who is growing increasingly unstable. Kravitz smiles and sprints at the wall, leaping up and just barely getting a grip on the edge. Taako looks down with a smile, spinning the umbra staff, necromantic spells splattering against it like water.

“Look, rabbit, I saved the button just for you.”

“Thanks, dove,” Kravitz says, hoisting himself up over the edge. Taako pulls him into another kiss, and Kravitz thumps the button almost as an afterthought.

The necromancer shrieks again and the whole course shakes like an earthquake, the obstacles disintegrating behind them. Kravitz grabs Taako as the wall crumbles to dust underneath their feet. He feels the wards snap just in time to catch them both in midair, hovering and watching the necromancer with equally unimpressed expressions.

“Not bad,” she sneers, hands crackling with black fire. “But you’re no match for _me_!”

She thrusts her hands skyward, zombie thralls erupting out of the earth around her announcer’s booth. Kravitz whistles and the true ground materializes once again, free of the shielding spell. He sets Taako neatly on his feet and pulls his scythe from the Astral Plane, twirling it with ease.

“Just come quietly,” he says in his work accent, smirking at Taako giggling. “You’re making me late for dinner.”

The necromancer howls, apparently beyond words now, and Kravitz and Taako flip and jump their way through the zombie hordes, Taako blasting Disintegrate at the zombies sneaking up behind Kravitz, Kravitz whipping his scythe through three zombies on top of Taako.

They reach the necromancer in her crumbling announcers booth. She snarls, black blades forming out of nothing in her hands. Kravitz smiles and gently moves Taako behind him.

“This’ll just take a second,” he assures him.                                

Taako grins and conjures some popcorn, winking at Kravitz when he laughs.

Kravitz is still laughing when a black blade erupts through his chest, splattering Taako and his conjured popcorn with blood. Kravitz slumps against it, eyes widening with too-late shock before fading to dullness completely.

Taako screams, popcorn on the ground unheeded as he reaches for Kravitz. The reaper falls as the necromancer yanks her sword out of his body, shoving her foot against his back contemptuously. Taako catches him, looking up with tears in his eyes.

“So cocky, wasn’t he?” the necromancer says with faux thoughtfulness, standing over Taako with her swords at his throat. “So were you.”

Taako sniffs, placing Kravitz’s body gently, so gently, on the ground as he stands. The necromancer’s swords follow him.

“Want to die on your feet, huh?” she asks. “I can respect that.”

Taako doesn’t even both speaking, instead pulling on a spell he learned from dear Barold, sometime during the hell-century. He steps forward, uncaring that the blades draw blood, and slams a fist into the necromancer’s forehead. She gasps, only once, as the black fire spills through her body, turning her to stone, to glass, to dust.

Taako ignores the dust, turning to dull sludge with the rain still pouring down, and collapses next to his husband. “Please,” he whispers, to Kravitz, maybe, or Istus, or the Raven Queen. “Please. Not you too, _please_.”

He huddles over his husband’s dead body, rain and tears streaking his face.

It is silent.

He barely notices when the rain starts to curve around them, hitting the ground on either side. He doesn’t look up when a soft, warm, hand-knit blanket settles over his shoulders, pooling around him in iridescent shades. He grunts in pain, blinking through tears at a warm brown hand gently pulling his chin up.

His goddess kneels next to him, dress unmuddied in the from the rain at their feet. Her knitting is still with her, the never-ending scarf tossed over her shoulder. He looks up at her, still clutching Kravitz, and buries his face in her shoulder, sobbing. She folds her arms around them both, humming a soft song.

Distantly, Taako hears wings.

“Ah,” Istus says over Taako’s head. “Good. Is he ready?”

“ **Y E S** ,” a thunderous voice says, and Taako feels something tugging at Kravitz’s body.

“No!” Taako clutches tighter, curling in on his husband. “NO!”

“ **C H I L D** ,” the voice says, and now Taako realizes who it must be. “ **I A M  N O T  G O I N G T O  H U R T  H I M.  R A T H E R  T O  R E S T O R E  H I M.”**

“What?” Taako asks, finally looking up, still in Istus’s warm embrace. His eyes can’t settle, only translating a sense of darkness and feathers, and a flash of bone-white eyes. “You can… he’ll be okay?”

“Kravitz _is_ already dead,” Istus says gently. “Even if his heart beats again.” She smiles down at Taako. “It’s alright, Taako.”

Taako takes a deep breath and releases his hold on Kravitz’s body, fingers curling into his palms tightly enough to draw blood. Istus hums again and covers his hands with hers, soothing out the tightness until he relaxes his fingers. Kravitz’s body is drawn into the mass of darkness and feathers of his goddess, and for a few minutes, all is still, save for the still-beating rain and Taako’s hiccupping sobs.

Slowly, slowly, the feathers disappear, leaving only Kravitz, lying on the ground. With a start, Taako realizes that Istus faded out as well, leaving him with the soft blanket around his shoulders, the rain falling down on them again.

Taako scrambles over to his husband just as Kravitz blinks his eyes open. They’re red, glowing, and dearly familiar, and somewhat confused as Taako throws himself over Kravitz’s whole-again chest.

“Hello, love,” Kravitz says, catching him gently and sitting up. “Are you alright?”

“ _Me_?” Taako snorts, kissing every part of Kravitz’s face he can reach. “You were _dead_ , my man! What about _you_?”

“Ah, yes,” Kravitz says. “Well, I’m already dead, Taako. Did I turn into a ball of light again?”

“Did you _what_?”

“That’s what normally happens when a reaper sustains enough damage to their corporeal forms,” Kravitz says, frowning. “Why? What happened?”      

Taako tells him as they stand, Kravitz easily summoning his scythe and opening them a portal home.

“Huh,” Kravitz says as they step through out of the rain, into the warmth and delighted chaos of their home, with Angus, Barry, and Lup chattering about Taako’s modified Blink spell, Magnus hollering at his dogs from the backyard, Davenport keeping an eye on dinner, being kept warm, and Lucretia talking animatedly with Ren about something or other.

“Don’t do that to me again, Bones,” Taako says, very quietly. He sniffs a little, Kravitz immediately putting an arm around him, a solid, warm arm. “I can’t lose you too.”

“Oh, Taako,” Kravitz says quietly, leaning his forehead against his husband. “I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks i love you bye!

**Author's Note:**

> what's up it's cha'girl, hitting yall with one fic every day for this whole week! woo!
> 
> comments and the kudos or whatever the fuck live your life
> 
> thanks i love you bye!


End file.
